Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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