somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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