i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize