this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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