My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
