once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
