I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
