If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
