I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
