You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize