Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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