She said her name was "party"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
