maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
