I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
