you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
