I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
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