I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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