turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
