Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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