party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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