how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
