I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's the barista slut.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
