thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
