I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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