I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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