I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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