Your tits are I can't wait for
zippers are such a cool invention
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
