Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
