Your dad touched me again.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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