think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Life is so much better after having sex.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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