The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
