I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize