New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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