Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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