I have demons in me.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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