masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
