the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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