Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
