Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
