A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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