I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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