pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
