If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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