Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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