Apparently you make a good broom.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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