theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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