Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
