Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
