Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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