Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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