i permit you to call me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
