mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
