Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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