Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
