Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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