He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
