When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
