i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
