On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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