i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
