Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
