I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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