I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
