can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
