dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i think my cat just said my name.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
