Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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