Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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