What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
