woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
