it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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