i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I AM VODKA MAN
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
